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Tyche's · dice
A chronicle of Luck and Misfortune
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So I talked in my last post about science majors. Now. This was unfair. As there are many different types of science majors. And they are all different (I mean the same, but different). First we have the physics majors. Now these guys are special. Because they are so incredibly insane that they defy explanation. And I prefer to forget that they exist most times. Luckily. At my HellaSmall school this is not hard to do. We maybe have three Then we have the biology majors. Biology majors? They like living things. And they like knowing how living things work, and they find them cool, and biology majors understand living things, so they, in general, have a fairly good grasp on Things You Do Not Say To The Religious. Now technically I should mention the biochem majors. But thats such a new major that I know very little about Those People, ask me again in a year. Lastly we have the chemistry majors. Chemistry majors fall somewhere between So Batshit Crazy its Almost Acceptable and Biology majors. They like to know how things work, and they are typically high-strung snobs. But they like knowing how The World works, and thus pay notsomuch attention to living things. And thus don't really understand people. The Boy is a chemistry major, and that would not have been so much of a problem except that he is also a biology minor. Which meanas that he has a driving desire to understand THINGS, but does not understand people all that well. And that, my friends, is what caused the problem. We were at a lecture, on porn, and it was fairly interesting until the lecturer played the God card (I can honestly say that I wish I had his faith). And he told us that recovering from addiction was not possible without God. After telling us about the dopamine pathways that are in general altered by addictions (if you ask, I can explain, but you already know). And while it was possible for The Boy to accept either The God Card, or The Science Card, he was apparently not capable of accepting them when they are played together. So. He stands up, and he asks:
"Do you believe that a supernatural force physically alters your dopamine pathways?"
At which point I died.
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I walk in to chemistry this morning (if by walk you mean one foot moved in front of the other in a relatively robotic fashion until I reached the chemistry classroom) secure in my knowledge that if I am safely ensconced in classes (and I didn't even have to sleep in the cold!). What I was not expecting was for The Gnome to be standing perfectly still. The Gnome is never perfectly still (when they stand still they turn to stone, and are then painted and put onto peoples lawns, though he is a bit too thin for that), so this came as a surprise. He was not talking, which is also quite unlike him, so, I was a little bit surprised. But only a little bit, because I am too sleepy to feel anything but mildly insert emotion here, and was waylaid by the homework and quiz that was sitting on my table.
He waited for everyone to sit down. And then he stared at us with grim eyes, and announced, as though he were announcing that in fifteen minutes the earth was going to EXPLODE and we were all going to DIE and there was not even chocolate or cute boys to console us because they had been saved by the ALIENS.
"I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem with organic". Now, for some background, somehow our class has become known, in a very small, very select circle of Chemistry professors at Transy, as "the dweebs", because in my twenty...four? person class there are three people that are not either Biology majors, Chemistry majors, or pre-med, all of which NEED ORGANIC OMG RIGHT NOW! Of the remaining twenty one two of us had already registered. So, nineteen bodies turned perfectly, stone still. I sit in the back, so I could see no one but the The Boy Who Lives With The Boy That Makes Me Laugh (we shall call him... Sam) and The Woman Who Will Be Saint, but I like to think that the blood rushed out of their faces.
"in that..." he continues on, very hesitantly, as though it pains him to say the words, as though he is afraid of our reaction "therearenomorespots" (this, for the record, is not the entire truth. There are like ten more spots. But they are Not Enough. Because there are at least forty people in the combined Chem-2 world that have not registered, probably more like fifty, and in my class ALONE there are not enough spots).
Now, I hate to be stereotypical. But, science majors? They are, as a rule, a high strung bunch of people. Very... goal-oriented? And not nearly so cool and logical as they would like you to think. So when you tell nineteen science people that they cannot get into the class that the NEEDOMGRIGHTNOW, you are asking for trouble. The stillness vanished immediately, replaced with voices that got progressively louder, in an attempt to be heard over the other voices that got progressively louder in response. People jumped up. There was hand waving. I'm nearly certain that Sam was going to cry. I thought The Girl Who Will Be Saint was going to kill herself. It was ugly.
He then waited a few minutes, enjoying, I think, the sweet taste of panic on the air, before realizing that there was a very real chance at least one person was going to burst into tears, and that would just ruin the whole period.
"Don't worry." he says, which is, as I may have discussed, one of the least comforting phrases in the world. He hands around a sheet with our names, and boxes, and fun things. "Just check the box next to your name if you want to take organic. I will fix this"
I have since come to the conclusion that "I will fix it" is the most comforting phrase in the world, and he probably should have led with that.
ETA: Thirteen free spots!
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So. Just for the record? I am not pleased about the getting a roommate over a weekend and not being asked. |
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So, frame of reference. In response to the Good Friend's discussion with the Bad Friend. The bad friend sent me this note. I provide it to you in its original unaltered grammatically incorrect form (with the exception of added italics and pseudonyms being provided): To: Innocent Victim
From: The reason Hitler hated people
I am sorry I was unable to see Also Completely Innocent this pas weekend but I am not responsible for her crying. If you would like to actually talk to me instead of insulting me in front of my friends, because you are angry then that I think would solve a lot more than just silence.
Also, Innocent Victim if you personally have a problem with me then instead of telling everyone else about how you can't stand me or that I only use you for food or homework like The Good Friend, just tell me and I will address the problems and we can possibly make progress if there are any problems.
I am sorry and I did try to stop by saturday
, but you left by 3:00 and I stopped by at 3:45. I left again that day at 6:00 and didn't get back till 11:30 that night. Normally you are asleep by then so I didn't stop by.
Silence will not solve anything even if you no longer want to associate me as a friend or person you know. If you want to make that clear then talk to me. If you just want to solve other things then talk to me, but talking is necessary either way!!!
I am sending it back with grammatical corrections. Which is a class nine bitchy act in retaliation for a class seven. But proves that starting a bitch fest would be a bad idea. |
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I wonder now, if you would blame me. If I stayed at school this weekend. If I didn't get the blood tests. If I didn't get more bad news. I wonder now, if you would forgive me |
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Per the not so quiet request of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gabbygrl I called my doctor on Friday. He called me back today, which, I guess, is the benefit of having a workaholic with his own practice, extended weekend hours. He asked me a few questions. I answered a few questions, being actually completely and totally honest. And he ended the conversation with. "Well. We knew this might happen." I would like to state. For the record. That I did not know this might happen |
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I am used to being angry. I am angry quite often. Rarely for an extended period of time. But I get angry. And I know how to deal with it. Up to a certain point I even find it comforting. I am not angry now. Instead there is a disappointment that saturates every part of me. This sadness that I am not entirely accustomed to. And I feel like a woman who has been married and comes to a realization some time in this marriage that her husband is not who she thinks he is. I have counted him among my friends (perhaps not as a good friend, but a fiend nonetheless) for four years now. Which is, in me time, a very long time indeed (most of you have been counted among friends longer. I am apparently getting too lazy to make new friends in my advanced age). But, I no longer feel I even recognize him. And it disappoints me. He is... a flake, I suppose would be the best way to describe him. He is good and charming, and despite being an absolutely terrible human being, he will continue to have more friends than I do. Because he is charming and funny and outgoing. But he is also rather shallow, I am forced to believe. And it was fine when he would make plans with me and then suddenly cancel. Profusely apologize, I would forgive him. Because I no longer expect him to keep his plans with me. There will always be someone more fun. Someone willing to do more things, someone who makes more jokes, someone who doesn't watch everything she does and go to bed by one. I am not, it pains me to realize, a fun person. But he stops by (when, the voice in my head whispers, the fun people are no longer available. When, the voice in my head whispers, he needs help with homework. When, the voice in my head whispers, he wants food), and so things are fine.
But she has been my friend for as long as time has mattered. And she is bright and good, and rather like a small child in that she was so excited. She believed so much that he was going to come see her.
I believed too. That he would come see her. That it would mean something to him and so he would show up. So he would come. He promised, and some part of me. Perhaps the last part of me that still was capable of belief and trust in another person, in him in particular, that part of me believed him.
But he didn't show up. We cleaned and tidied so he and his friend would have somewhere to sit. There were extra drinks in the fridge if they got thirsty. Boy movies were picked out in case they had time. I realized he was not coming at nine or so. She did not. She smiled and excused him (and to be fair I am sure he is busy. I am sure he has important things to do. I am just not entirely sure that what he judges as important is actually more important to me than she is), and realized about a minute ago that he Was Not Coming. And it hurt her, as you can imagine it hurts to know that you have been blown off.
It would not bother me so much, I think, except that he promised. And so I told her. And I reminded him, because I believed him. I should have known better. I should have lied and told her that he had left for the weekend. That I had forgot to tell him in time. She would not have been angry with me, perhaps disappointed, but she would not have been angry with me, and she certainly would not be more disappointed than she is now. I should have lied. But I believed him.
And I don't know if I can again
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Mi's lj claims that she is made of forgiveness. I am not. And this? This is your fault |
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So, show of hands here who thinks it is a good idea to give bees cocaine? Ignoring the fact that it is not a scientifically viable test, at least in as much as it is generalizable. There is also the fact that bees are Flying Death Monkeys to consider. I just hope that no one in Australia is allergic to bees. Because I can foresee the withdrawal not going so well |
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So this is coming a little bit early. But, I have other things to be doing at midnight so it will be coming now. First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR. May your 2009 be filled with joys to match your sorrows. Second of all it is time for reflection. They say that all is well that ends well. Luckily I've never had that sentiment as today was not exactly a Great Day, in fact calling it so much as a Good Day is a blatant lie. But this year has been a good year. There have been some bleak spots, but you must take the bad along with the good, and there has been a great deal of good this year. I graduated high school. Which wasn't a big surprise, but I have been waiting for it to happen for twelve plus years. My hair has stopped falling out (and started growing in!) I've started college, which is a great deal of fun. And have a room all to myself, which is more fun. I broke my cell phone and got a Newer, Better one to replace it. There has been more. But you have shared my joys as I have lived them, so there is no need to relive them. So lets move on to this years resolutions. You haven't heard these, as I've just decided what they are. In order to build suspension I will first tell you what they are not. There are ten resolutions that are the most common resolutions of the American Public. They are as follows*: - Spend more time with family and friends
- Fit in Fitness
- Tame the Bulge
- Quit smoking
- Enjoy life more
- Quit drinking
- Get out of debt
- Learn something new
- Help others
- Get organized
I will do none of these. There are some that I do not need to do. There are some that I do not want to do. But regardless. None of these resolutions will be mine this year. I thought about adopting Anais Nin's approach and accept that I criticize myself too much, that I judge myself too harshly, and plan too rigidly, and then resolve to make no resolutions. But that doesn't seem right either. New Year's resolutions are too much a part of my tradition, and I love my tradition too much, to be forsaken. So instead I will resolve to do ten things this year. - I will make sure any lace underwear I wear is made of real lace and not a dime a yard lace (you can ask why, or you can accept that this is an excellent philosophy).
- I will answer snail mail when I get it. Just like I do my e-mail, even if it is less convenient
- I will buy only things I need. Or really really want
- I will stop friending people I only know a little bit on facebook
- I will wait until people are an hour late before I start to Freak the Fuck Out
- I will spend at least thirty minutes a day out of my pajamas
- I will take out my contacts when they are meant to be taken out
- I will remember to eat at least once a day
- I will stop attempting to discern the identities of unknowns by putting them in my mouth
- I will figure out how to use my Calculator of Awesome for more than just higher level multiplication
*Taken from Albrecht Powell's article "The Top Ten New Year's Resolutions" on About.com |
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